The most catastrophic film to hit the theaters this summer. This review will be short, painless and straight-to-the-point. Transformer: The Last Knight is this year's worst film and receives zero stars from me.
149 minutes… think about that? With the constant crashing and scrapping of sluggish metal, at the end of this disastrous film my head was about to explode. Yes, The Last Knight is that bad. It’s Michael Bay’s (Transformers franchise) worst Transformers movie to-date. Worse than Revenge of the Fallen, Dark of the Moon, and Age of Extinction combined. I know, it’s hard to believe but the incompetent franchise has sunk to a new low. There’s not fun, no heart and no point to the very existence of this film. The Last Knight is thinly plotted and bloated with special effects to the state of grotesque.
Here’s the ludicrous plot: Autobots and Decepticons are at war… again, with humans on the sidelines. Optimus Prime is gone. The key to saving our future lies buried in the secrets of the past, in the hidden history of Transformers on Earth. A.K.A. cue King Arthur battle sequences with ancient metals of junk and a Stonehenge shindig, full of Bay’s most famous trademark… blowing crap up. Actors Mark Wahlberg, Anthony Hopkins, Josh Duhamel, Laura Haddock, Tyrese Gibson, John Turturro and Stanley Tucci get lost amongst the chaos. Alongside, Bay’s controversial trademark makes multiple appearances throughout this mess.
What's that you ask? The controversy is Bay’s relentless camera focus on women and objectifying them. Haddock is the unfortunate soul here who gets bombarded by Bay’s uptight and perverted camerawork. In the end, it’s not just me who has gotten very tired of this topsy-turvy franchise. Over time, the stats have proven that audiences around are also becoming weary. The Last Knight’s opening weekend in the U.S. was a franchise low, bringing in only a mere $69.1 million in the first five days. The Last Knight was down a stunning 31% from 2014’s Age of Extinction. This proves even more that Bay’s tired and bloated franchise will hopefully see an end. In all, Bay’s fifth outing came, squabbled and sunk. Who are we kidding? Of course, it’s not good.
Transformers: The Last Knight is rated PG-13 (Parents Strongly Cautioned). For violence and intense sequences of sci-fi action, language, and some innuendo.
The dead may be alive, but this mummy should have stayed buried…
One of the worst summer blockbusters to-date, period. The Mummy (2017) lacks the campy-fun of Brendan Fraser’s '90s cheese fest and remains hallow of any monster-movie thrills from the original 1932 classic. A bad start for the Dark Universe series, The Mummy will leave viewers with a bad aftertaste of anger and disgust. Universal might have gotten ahead of themselves for planning an entire extended universe without waiting on the final results of their first entry. The Mummy is so-bad that it makes Brendan Fraser’s '90s cheese fest look like a monster-masterpiece.
Alex Kurtzman's (Transformers and Star Trek) reboot is a mess from the very beginning. Bloated with bad special effects and a ludicrous plot, actor Tom Cruise had no chance in saving the film from utter disaster. The plot follows an ancient princess (a so-so Sofia Boutella) who’s awakened from her crypt beneath the desert. With her power, she’ll bring malevolence and terror that defies human comprehension. The narrative in retrospect, is so chaotic that it should have remained dead.
The Dark Universe is off to a rather shaky start, but Universal is still planning on having multiple films apart of this franchise. Films like, Bride of Frankenstein, Creature from the Black Lagoon, Invisible Man and many more similar monster-flicks. The Bride of Frankenstein is already scheduled for February 14, 2019… we’ll see if the Universal will be able to pull a 180° by then. All-in-all, if you’re looking for a summer disaster filled with hamstrung actors (Cruise, Boutella, Russell Crowe, Annabelle Wallis, Jake Johnson and Courtney B. Vance), bloated CGI and terrible dialog, then this is the movie for you. For the rest of us with a brain, go in peace and stay far away from this rotten tomb.
The Mummy (2017) is rated PG-13 (Parents Strongly Cautioned). For violence, action and scary images, and for some suggestive content and partial nudity.
14 years later and Johnny Depp is still sailing upon his voyage in murky waters.
While Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales had its moments, nevertheless; the film resulted in another been-there-done-that goofy adventure. Depp’s famous Captain Jack Sparrow still amuses us with his time on the big screen. Whether its robbing a bank or fighting zombie sharks (yes you heard that right), Captain Jack can still put a smile on your face. As for the rest of the film, Pirates 5 sails into murky waters full of bloated CGI backed by a shaky narrative. Not even a switch in new direction from directors Espen Sandberg and Joachim Rønning (Kon-Tiki), could help the film succeed.
Javier Bardem's undead pirate wasn't enough to set sail for the franchise. Instead, Bardem’s incarnation, Captain Salazar, becomes the most underwhelming Pirates villain to-date. Keeping the plot to a bare minimum, Captain Jack (a cheeky and sometimes drunk Depp) searches for the trident of Poseidon while being pursued by an undead sea captain (A.K.A. the underwhelming Bardem) and his crew. Since the Pirates franchise took off in 2003, it has grossed $4 billion worldwide. Sadly, the series as a whole has had its constant ups and downs. Although, none of the sequels (Dead Man's Chest, At World's End, On Stranger Tides and Dead Men Tell No Tales) could ever live up to heights of the first installment (The Curse of the Black Pearl).
Pirates 5 does have its moments, like the fun chemistry between Sparrow and Barbossa (the grand Geoffrey Rush) or both Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley respectively respiring their roles. All-in-all, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is a harmless sequel to the already bloated franchise. When in doubt, viewers should just watch the original. For me, I saw it as a double feature with Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 at a Drive-In movie theater. So, maybe I’m not being as harsh on the film as I should? Either way, I was more anxious for Guardians 2 to start up as soon as Captain Jack’s latest sail ended.
Check out one of the coolest Drive-In movie theaters I've ever been to below! Named one of the Top Ten Drive-Ins in USA TODAY.
49'er Drive-in Theatre
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is rated PG-13 (Parents Strongly Cautioned). For sequences of adventure violence, and some suggestive content.
The Fate of the Furious is nothing more than a continuation the franchise’s fueled trademark, consisting of over-the-top action and thrills.
You already know what you’re getting into before you go in, so The Fate of the Furious A.K.A. Fast & Furious 8 shouldn’t disappoint hardcore fans. It’s been 16 years since the first Furious film was realized and since then, the franchise has become Universal’s highest grossing franchise of all time. The $5.1 billion franchise has gone through many loopholes to get here, nevertheless; these beat-up cars keep on driving. F8 has grossed over $1.2 billion worldwide, making it the thirtieth film to gross over $1 billion, the second highest-grossing film of 2017 and the eleventh highest-grossing film of all time. The film grossed $532 million worldwide during its worldwide opening weekend, setting the record for the highest-grossing worldwide opening of all time, ahead of Star Wars: The Force Awakens ($529 million).
Taking on the director’s chair this time around is director F. Gary Gray (Straight Outta Compton). Your traditional speed cast returns consisting of Vin Diesel, Dwayne Johnson, Jason Statham, Michelle Rodriguez, Tyrese Gibson, Ludacris, Nathalie Emmanuel and Kurt Russell. Actors Charlize Theron, Helen Mirren and Scott Eastwood also join the ride. The plot goes along the lines of this: When a mysterious woman seduces Dom (Diesel) into the world of terrorism and a betrayal of those closest to him, the crew face trials that will test them as never before. Cue, cheeky dialogue, fast cars, submarines and lots of explosions. When Dom and his crew take the cars on ice, you know that you’re in for a real treat. F8 is pure action escapism, so sit back and enjoy the ride.
The Fate of the Furious is rated PG-13 (Parents Strongly Cautioned). For prolonged sequences of violence and destruction, suggestive content, and language.
For Your Consideration:
Mashley at the Movies
Next Best Picture
In Their Own League
Mike, Mike, and Oscar
The Movie Oracle